I recently stumbled upon something entirely unique; new music for my curious ears…but not the kind to take lightly. This was the music of a genius who, like most musicians, found no better medium to express his darkest secrets and desires. Like many before me, I instantly realized that I needed to do something after escaping the music’s mesmerizing grip. It was my duty to give this the audience it deserved.
This is the story of Vinicius Gageiro Marques, a young musician who will forever remind us that age is just a number and not s determinant of wisdom.
With a nylon six-string hanging in the background and a solemn expression in a face draped in shadows, Vinicius picks at an acoustic guitar, in melancholy covering John Frusciante’s “Cut Myself Out.” This is YouTube. This is his only video. His username is Yoñlu. The song is full of mourning and ends with a wail, dropping unnecessary hints on his condition. After all, he let us know. We could hear, but we weren’t listening.
16 year-old Vinicius lived in the Brazilian city of Porto Alegre. He was the son of Ana Maria Gageiro and Luiz Marques, Secretary of Culture for the Brazilian State of Rio Grande do Sul (1999-2002). He spoke French, having lived in Paris for four years, and taught himself how to read, write and speak English by watching television and listening to music. He began reading Kafka at age 12, and at 13 decided to capture life in camera. However, he also had tremendous musical analytical skills, noticeable in his analysis of pop music, which was always written in English. He began recording hundreds of songs, playing guitars, drums, bass and any sound effects he found fitting.
But this promising boy had a dark side. His mother Ana Maria remembers that “he was too serious, maybe too serious.“ She understood that “his sensitivity to the world was also his weakness.”
As Yoñlu, Vinicius crafted a new life online, one he could call home. He befriended many and engaged in cross-cultural dialogue with people from England, Scotland, Belgium, Canada, North Africa, Japan and Thailand, speaking video games, trading mixes, posting drawings and sharing music. He gained a following and users from all over the world praised his work. He even recorded enough material to complete an album, which was released by Luaka Bop back in April.
The internet paved an excellent path for his musical growth, but it also shed a light on the amount of despair Yoñlu felt. Vinicius had been in therapy since the age of 9 for what his father called “a chemical imbalance,” and the internet was the one place he expressed his emotions wholeheartedly. In the Rilmuk gaming forum he posted, “Quick, someone say something really nice about my songs before I decide to KILL MYSELF” under the heading “Thread in which Yonlu posts some of his songs, And no one cares.”
Yoñlu eventually became a member of a suicide and depression forum.
Then, on the afternoon of July 26th of 2006, 36 days before his 17th birthday, Vinicius locked himself in his bathroom and took his life, asphyxiating himself with carbon monoxide. Apparently, he had received instruction and encouragement from message-board members who he kept update until the end.
Yoñlu left a letter, freeing his family members of any guilt, as they could not have done anything to stop him. In it, he asked for his wishes to be respected, thanked his parents for their support, left the web address to his blog, and a CD containing some of his songs, and finally recommended they listen to his music if they ever felt sad, just as he did.
From telling us why he wanted to die to leaving with the words “I believe that the right cadence and harmony at the right moments can awaken any sentiment, including happiness in the most somber moments,” his words alone were not enough to show us what he felt, but his soul and its desires are now recorded, making his music a lasting legacy. In the end, his songs were nothing more than confessionals. We failed to listen then, but we’re listening now. R.I.P Yoñlu
By Erick Rodriguez
PS It does not take much to find his music, and there really is no better way to find out who this boy was. But, I leave you now with a few links:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z60_6FdyaBY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ib7w2FaqAU&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4A1v6Uzo0Q&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqBKv-HonLs&feature=related
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